I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
