Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize