This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
