I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
