your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize