I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
