My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
