david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
