I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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