Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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