What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize