College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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