When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
