somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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