Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
