I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
