I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think my tv is drunk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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