There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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