i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
