I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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