Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
