so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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