kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
