Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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