I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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