Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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