i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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