So gin and wine won't be happening again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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