I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's Friday. Sex?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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