Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
