forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
