S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
