Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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