Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
