U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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