i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
