Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
