it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
