I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
