If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
