the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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