I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
