Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
