I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
