Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so let's talk penis.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
