i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
