When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
