I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
