stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
