the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
