also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
