I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
