hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
