yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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