it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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