MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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