literally had 100 drinks last night.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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