Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
