i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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