I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
