the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
