Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
