My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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