I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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