How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
