Please, let me fuck your mom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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