how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
