so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
