I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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