great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
