I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
