The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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