I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
