I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
