Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize