ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
