Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
