Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
