piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
her vagine was all disorganized.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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