2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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