Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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