all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
