You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it glows. i had to have it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pants are for mortals
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
