As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
