Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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