Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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