I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
