I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
