dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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