i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
