yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
