remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
