if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
