My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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