I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
