the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He did a backflip because drugs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
