At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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