i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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