I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize